91. Opening the Trap Door to the Subconscious

Harlequin Clown – Image by M W on Pixabay

October 2020

Alone

Despite my encounters with my Higher Self in 2020 which I have written about in recent posts, the process of assimilation of the alienated parts of me continued. For me it has been the bringing of these into wholeness that have constituted much of the journey. Many disciplines stop short of how to do this. My way, right or wrong has been to speak directly to them, asking them to come into expression through the whole. (I find that they all want to live through me.) Usually they present individually, but occasionally they come in rapid sequence such as in a village square of along a queue (which I have written about on this blog). This was of the latter.

I have a vision of a trap door in a wooden floor in a house. I open the door and wait to see what comes. The first to come is a Harlequin dressed comedian. Hello and welcome to my world, I say! I can make use of you in my world, so welcome and to be expressed at the behest of the whole. Does he represent the different colours of humour waiting for acceptance – there are situations for which we are not inclined to see the funny side, for example in politics.

The second is a man in white robes, big robes. He is a priest or a mystic. Hello and welcome to my world. Please live in me and through me at the behest of the whole. (I have had little time for the priests of major religions, but it is time to fully accept them and their roles, and in/through me too.)

A lady with long dark hair, a kind of red bodice, stockings and black high heels. Beautiful and expressing sex appeal. Yes, you are that, that representation in me. Live in me and be expressed at the behest of the whole. I can look at beautiful sexy women and see them feel them in me and me as them. To acknowledge my inner feminine has a side that is beautiful and sexy – not as a 63 year old overweight bloke but, in my soul as part of my whole.

There is a bald head of a middle-aged man coming up out of the trap door. He has a suit, white shirt and tie. He looks ordinary, and his work is ordinary, and in a crowd, he would be anonymous. But I love you. You do an essential job and it is not seen or recognised in value, but I know it is essential. Please live in me and through me at the behest of the whole. Yes this part living in me will help me settle down to and get on with the boring paperwork stuff.

A little girl in pink and white taffeta and sparkly dress, like a princess or a fairy. She holds up some kind of wand-like structure. Pretty and loveable. Please live in me and at the behest of the whole. I have difficulty relating to this expression of the feminine, but maybe that is not what is needed, which is to just accept that expression made conscious and in the little girl in me – whom I have written about. One day I might be happy to have her expressed through me, such as when playing with a young grand daughter for example, or a counterbalance for brutishness.

I see a clown. He has a yellow outfit and a big red nose. Hello and welcome clown, to my world. Please live in me and through me at the behest of the whole. (Another aspect of humour being lifted from the subconscious through the trapdoor.)

Some faint ideas of other characters coming but there is no clear view of them, so I will close the hatch. There are more to come, in good time.

Thankyou, I am grateful for what has come. 

This may all seem a bit strange, but how would you grow into wholeness? What would you do? Those loveable parts, demons, animals, all part of you? My experience is that they want to live through us, and if we hand ourselves over, we become controlled which can be unpleasant for ourselves and others.

Maybe as a comedian in the wrong context – a slave to every beautiful sexy woman I meet in the world – or my life becoming buried in paperwork, numbers and structures – a dogmatic and authoritative priest – or some kind of Prima Dona princess (I have met such men in the world)? Or I could have them expressed appropriately in context at the behest of the Higher Self, who needs these ‘spirits’ to manifest in the world, through me. That is how I see it. Bringing them home to balance the whole.

It may take a while for the assimilation to take place. A mystic once told me it would take at least two lifetimes. The benefits can be felt in this life time though, in my experience through less turmoil, greater flexibility, acceptance of others, and being able to sit without so much disturbance from within.