93. ‘Not Doing’ in the Shadow

Image by 13smok on Pixabay

This is my account of the split between Must Do and Don’t Do.

There was a dynamic in me that said “No, don’t do it now.” – for what I thought I need to do, and it recruited all kinds of reasons to support the claim, mostly fears that; I was too tired to finish it, I should do something else, I will get stuck with it and not be able to unstick, break it without being to repair it, now is not the best time etc. etc.  

There was a time when I needed to hear this, as I raced from task to task into and with exhaustion. I consciously focussed on the inexhaustible To Do lists, and Don’t Do fell into my shadow. Then I saw the precipice of complete collapse and I stepped back. Don’t Do was now a shadow figure at this time, unconsciously holding me back from going over. Time to step back from overdoing.

However when I was in recovery from burnout and the vast majority of the Must Dos had gone, this part of me was still active, overactive, and I could not get on with things in my quiet life, simple things, that needed to be done, and I reclined into indolence.

So there is a time to press on, and a time to recline away from doing things. Contextual appropriateness and life balance. I believe everything has its right place along life’s timeline.

Then I met this shadow figure in a vision (it is my way to meet such figures, you could call them spirits, who represent behavioural dynamics), shall I call him Mr Don’t Do. He was afraid that I would fail in some way and so had been trying to protect me from the ignominy of failure – and the perception of the withdrawal of love (love really is the relational currency here). He looked very tired from hyper-vigilance and overactivity; not washed, red rings around his eyes, and his hair was chaotic. I asked this part of me to rest himself (!), come into the whole, and respond out of the wholeness, at the will of the whole, the divine. That way I might hope, what needs to be done, gets done, at the right time and in the right way and all that does not is left; for another time, to resolve itself, to be done by others, or not done at all -being of no overall effect etc.

He was grateful, and in need of the rest. 

Don’t be afraid I said, and thank you for looking out for me. 

Now I do not think too much about getting things done. I take a more holistic approach. There will always be stuff to do. Now though things seem to fall better into place; meaningful coincidences, and threads come to better enable things to be carried forward. Less turmoil more flow.

Maybe there are times when we are being called to change the trajectory of our lives and this dynamic is diverting us away from the old ways and instead of acting chaotically out of fear, carries the Will of the Divine, not to do. If it is functioning from a place of wholeness there is no problem, but if it is a loose cannon of attitude driven by fear then it is not helpful.