88. Faith and Footprints

I was very tired and with a blank mind this day in October 2019. 

I formed a relationship with the tiredness and fatigue accepting it rather than fighting it and things settled a little. I was aware that there was something I wanted to go inward with but could not remember what it was. 

Then I remembered a recent dream where I was in a church which was opposite my house, so in my shadow. Inside were various men I did not recognise, so shadow figures – and a projection screen! I spoke to one of the men at the entrance and remembered how I sobbed because I felt a loss of connection with God.

Now a voice said, “I am always here, Tony.”, one of the most common things I am told from within. The connection was down at my end.

There are many who have had this sensation of loss of connection and with it loss of faith. When we hit a crisis we might feel abandoned and that we confront it alone. It is possible the crisis is there by design by the way, a karmic lesson say.

I remember my mother who died from breast cancer thirty years ago, reading her favourite poem ‘Footprints’, and welling up with tears. It is a well known poem but it illustrates my point, and might be remembered when we feel abandoned within.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I had a dream.
I dreamed I was walking along the beach
with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me, and the other to the Lord..

When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.

This really bothered me 
and I questioned the Lord about it:
“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most 
troublesome times in my life 
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why 
when I need you most you would leave me.” 

The Lord replied:
“My precious child, I love you and would
never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then
that I carried you.”

by Mary Stevenson